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Australian Uni Games Perth 2016

Grab your reading glasses, crack a red bull, put on a fresh pair of socks and prepare to have them subsequently knocked off because this is the write up for La Trobe Squash Club at the Australian Uni Games 2016, and it’s a real doozie. As the top bloke and avid squash player, Gaius Julius Ceasar once said, “I came, I saw, I had a sick as time”, these words resonate strongly this day as the La Trobe Squash gang reflect on the week that was. Things started out well with the auxiliary force consisting of Corso and about 50 mini rubber ducks, taking the flight over four days early to scope out the field and break in the many thunderboxes Perth had to offer, safe to say the week was off to a solid start with a less consistent finish being prophesied. The main contingent arrived Saturday and with competition not starting until Tuesday, team manager Josh allocated plenty of time for practise sessions and well facilitated recovery. However with his questionable squash technique and embarrassingly small calves, his leadership was indirectly challenged by all member of the team replacing the standard post exercise drink of water with a more pre social event type of fluid. This of course, did not bode well for the troops the next morning who all managed to achieve a slight hangover, apart from Emily who simply had a headache and no more, yep righto. Apart from a certain previously mentioned player decorating a parked car with lovingly cooked hotel spaghetti, game day one was approached with high spirits. The girls got stuck into the competition like Ethan into a bottle of rum, with zest. The girls pecking order was carefully chosen with diligence by Josh, yet announced at the last moment to amass confusion among opponents Monash and UWA, this tactic somewhat backfired with the La Trobe girls sharing the confusion, resulting in Josh being grilled like a well done steak, happy birthday chief. The Boys took home one win against Curtin, and a loss to a strong UWA (peptide rumours circulating but whatever). The competition on the following days determined who would play off in the final, the girls went undefeated on the court and showed some impressive skills off the court, particularly in Gabby taking really bad photos of people, cheers Gab. A minor hiccup was encountered when 2016 draft pick no. 3, Donna, became short of breath during a match, initially asthma was fingered as the culprit, but that night the energetic small forward was seen punching durries like it was no-ones business. Experienced pine-warmer Alexandra was MIA most days with uni work somehow taking priority over number one priority, squash. Claire proved too good for the comp at number one, however her mental clarity came into question when she insisted Ellen’s banter had improved which is a complete fallacy, the most beneficial thing Ellen brought to the team was her better half Jayden, so Darcy had a semi decent bloke to hang out with. The boys displayed convincing performances to get wins against Melb uni and Monash with Darcy looking in peak physical form and sweet facial hair to match, not to mention an all-round good bloke and prolific dancer. Tyler didn’t drop a game all week which allowed him to claim a green and gold, plus La Trobe male player of the games on and off the court. Neil play a key role in stocking up the fridge whilst not coaching the girls team which was much appreciated, he also won a match or two. Ethan reverse boasted players off the court when he wasn’t reverse boasting himself off the court. Josh managed to actually break a sweat during a match for the first time, indicating rarely seen exertion on his part. Corso slotted a few nicks on court and plenty of tins off court. Heart and Soul of the team Benjamin was sidelined by an ACL injury, mirroring that of the mighty Bulldogs captain Rob Murphy, however he played a pivotal role in keeping spirits high with wise words and fresh memes. On the grand final day more people turned out to watch than the Al-Ahram international, which was good to see, the girls served up a tasty lesson in squash to claim gold which was celebrated with a war cry that sent shivers down the spine, also the glass on court 7 needs to be replaced now. The boys couldn’t produce the goods despite an admiral performance and walked away with silver. Top effort to all involved, Gold coast is next year and

La Trobe will no doubt be out in force.


Amateur Sports Team

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